Renaissance Faire | Would You Like To Buy A Weezoh? | Wrapped Around Your Hard Drive
The Wenching Hymn | It's A Small Faire | Faire Site At Night | Personal Goddess
Jabbertwinkie | Sitting on the Bridge at the Faire

Renaissance Faire (Sung to David Bowie's "Modern Love")

I catch a Celtic boy
But the shows don't really change
I'm standing in my linde
But I never say Good Bye
But I drive, I drive

There's no life at site
It's just barely dawn
I'm still in my tent
But I never say Good Bye
But I drive, I drive
Never gonna miss a

CHORUS
Renaissance Faire - Wenches by me
Renaissance Faire - Walks go by
Renaissance Faire - Gets me to the site on time
Site on time - Really excites me!
Site on time - Makes me party!
Site on time - Puts my trust in mead and ale
Mead and ale - No confusion
Mead and ale - Lots of lootin'
Mead and ale - Don't believe in mundane life

It's not really work
It's just the flowers and charm
I'm still waiting at the gate
But I never say Good Bye
But I drive, I drive

CHORUS (x2)

Renaissance Faire - Renaissance Faire (x12)

Renaissance Faire - Renaissance Faire,
Wenches by me
Renaissance Faire - Renaissance Faire
Walks go by (Repeat 3 times)

Would You Like To Buy A Weezoh? (Sung to "Would you like to buy an O" from Sesame Street)

Would you like to buy a Weezoh?
So cute and sweet
A nearly perfect furball
Cuddly and complete
With it like so: Weez-OH, Weeze-OH (Isn't that catchy?)

Would you like to buy a Weez-OH?
Curious and petit
Weez-ohs look like otters
They can really be a bother
And they'll cost you just your sanity (Your sanity?!) (Shhhhh!) (You're sanity?) (Riiight…)

So buy the Weez-oh and take it to faire
No listen. When you buy this Weez-oh, you get two faires for the price of one. You get the virtual faire, mazer of mead, and a pouncing on A.F.R. And for no extra money, you get another faire of your choice, like RPFS, Tux, Sterling, or Hawkwood.

So would you like to buy a Weez-OH?
I'm opening the gate
It's not often that I offer
Well, could you ask for more?
It'll cost you just your sanity.. (Your sanity!?!) (Shhhhhh!) (Your sanity?) (Riiiiiight)
So buy the Weez-OH and take it to faire tomorrow
Don't mess with the Wenches
J ust buy the Weez-OH and take it to faire tomorrow
You'll really love it
So buy the Weez-OH and take it to faire tomorrow.

Wrapped Around Your Hard Drive (Sung to "Wrapped Around Your Finger" by The Police)

You consider me the new programmer
Caught between Java and the compiler
Hypnotized by your coding zingers
Staring at your flashing fingers

I have only come here seeking knowledge
Things CompSci wouldn't show me in college
I can see the war game you sold
Turned into a platter of gold

I'll be wrapped around your hard drive
I'll be wrapped around your hard drive
Quake I and II are not your games
But I know you want them just the same
I will listen close to your instruction
And you will code it to its completion

I'll be wrapped around your hard drive
I'll be wrapped around your hard drive

Oracle and the Big Blue C behind me
Vanished into the aether, you'll never find B
I will turn your code into Chrome
Then you will find your program is far from home.

And you'll be wrapped around my hard drive
You'll be wrapped around my hard drive
You'll be wrapped around my hard drive

The Wenching Hymn (Sung to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic")

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the roundness of her form;
She is spilling out the bodice where the Hills of Lust are found;
She hath loosened up the binding of her wonderful breast mound
Her breasts go bouncing on

Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory hallelujah
Her breasts go bouncing on

I've seen them on the bust-lines of a hundred peasant wenches
They have builded them an altar in the lady's shirts and dresses
I can see their pleasing presence under her fine and shining tresses;
Her breasts go bouncing on

CHORUS

CHORUS

She has told us a fine strumpet shall never admit defeat
She can steal the hearts of men by jiggling a single teat
Oh be swift my soul, to answer her, be jubilant my feet
He breasts go bouncing on.

CHORUS

She has marched up close and presented a lucious carnal feast
She is near enough so we can revel in her body heat
We are charging forth to be the first to present her a treat
Her breasts go bouncing on

CHORUS

In the beauty of the lilies, they lie bare for us to see,
With the glory of her bosom that transfigures you and me:
As she jiggled to make men hard, we will try to set them free,
Her breasts go bouncing on

CHORUS

It's A Small Faire (Sung to Disney's "It's A Small World")

It's a faire of laughter
A faire of weirds
It's a faire of hopes
And faire of queers
There's so much that we hear
That it's time for a beer
It's a small faire every year

It's a small faire every year
It's a small faire every year
It's a small faire every year
It's a small, small faire

There's just one Queen
And one Golden Pun
And a smile means Friendship to ev'ryone
Though the Spaniards are riled
And the wenches are wild
It's a small faire every year

It's a small faire every year
It's a small faire every year
It's a small faire every year
It's a small, small faire

Faire Site At Night (Sung to Corey Hart's "Sunglasses At Night")

I wander faire site at night
So I can, so I can
Enjoy my ale and the starry skies
(and) I wander faire site at night
So I can, so I can
See visions of beauty in my eyes

While she's meading me
We wave to security (have)
We got another mug
I turn to her and say

CHORUS
Don't switch the mead on the guy
With blades (oh no)
Don't dance with the guy with blades (oh no)
(Those knives are sharp)
You've got it made with the guys with blades, oh no (and)

I wander faire site at night
So I can, so I can
See the joy that's right before my eyes

REPEAT CHORUS

Personal Goddess (sung to Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus")

Your own personal goddess
Someone to read your posts
Someone who jokes
Your own personal goddess
Someone to read your posts
Someone who knows

Feeling unknown
And you're all alone
You and the modem
Mouse on the roam
Dial up the server
I'll make you a surfer
Take second best
Pass the RenPurity test
Posts you've read
You need to go to bed
I will soon
You know I'm a loon
Log on and go there
Log on and go there

Your own personal goddess...
Feeling unknown
And you're all alone
You and the modem
Mouse on the roam
Dial up the server
I'll make you a surfer
Reach out and go there
Your own personal goddess
Reach out and go there

Jabbertwinkie

Twas grilling and the slimy stiles
Did Proctor and Gamble in the aisles
All flimsy were the stockboys
And the moms ran out-riles

"Beware the Jabbertwink, my son!
The cream that smears, the cake that crumbles
Beware the HoHo bird, and shun
The frumious Chocodile!"

He took his pricing gun in hand
"Long time the metronome foe he sought
So rested he, by the potato chip tree
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabbertwink, with package aflame,
Came snuffling through the fugly store,
And bubbles as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The pricing gun whent clackety-clack!
He left it pale, marked "On Sale"
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou remarked the Jabbertwink?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! A sale! Hooray! "
He chortled in his joy.

Twas grilling and the slimy stiles
Did Proctor and Gamble in the aisles
All flimsy were the stockboys
And the moms ran out-riles

Sitting on the Bridge at the Faire (Sung to "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay")

Sitting in the hot, bright sun
I'll be sitting when progress is done
Watching the actors stroll in
Then I watch 'em stroll away again, yeah

I'm {Refrain}
Sittin' on the bridge at the faire
Watching the patrons over there
I'm just sittin' on the bridge at the faire
Wasting time

I left my home in the city
Headed for the weekend faire
'Cause I have wenches to live for
And looks like they're waiting over there

So I'm just… {Refrain}

Looks like nothing's gonna change
The thermometer reads the same
I can't caper and perform in this heat
I've got a mug of ale to drain

Yes, I'm sittin' here cooling my bones
And this drunkard won't leave me alone
It's two long hours until close
Just hoping he'll go on and roam

Now, I'm just…
{Refrain}
{Whistle}