Above, we see the actor, Oliver Platt, as Porthos in The Threee Muskateers. Oliver happens to be one of my more favorite actors. While watching Lake Placid recently, a thought struck me, and this thought settled down and had many children in the fertile ground of my imagination...

  • Is everything Oliver says considered a Plattitude?
  • Could a person have anything but a Plattonic relationship with Oliver?
  • If one were to use Oliver's body to make a new polymer, would it be called Plattstics?
  • Would Olver's wife be referred to as a Plattypus?
  • If you do a good job, would he give you a hearty platt on the back?
  • If you get roaring drunk with Oliver, are you ther Plattstered?
  • Does Oliver's blood contain plattlets to help it coagulate?
  • If he were to talk non-stop for an hour, about nothing, would it be called plattling?
  • If one were to clone Oliver off four times, and then teach them all to sing do-wop, would they then be required to be called The Platters?
  • And if you cloned him of a few more times, would you have a Plattoon?
  • When you take him to the blackjack table, does Oliver always stand Platt?
  • If Oliver were to take up physical comedy, would he do nothing but Plattfalls?
  • If he were to run for President, what would his Plattform be like?
  • When Oliver reached the height of his career, will it Platteau?
  • If he says something confusing, is he willing to offer and explattnation?
  • If you were to push Oliver out of an airplane, when he hit the ground, would he bouce or just go *platt*?
  • If Oliver were to take the role of a waiter, would he be referred to as a serving Platter?
  • Are Oliver's favorite type of fish, Plattys?
  • Is Oliver paranoid enough to have had his car armor platted?
  • Is his favorite philosopher Platto?
  • When he wears jewlery, does he only wear pieces made of Plattinum?
  • If Oliver could move mountains, would that be Platt Tectonics in action?
  • If one were to go into a mental state where no outside input affected your senses, while watching Gun Shy or Lake Placid, would that mean you'd achieved a Plattitonic state?

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